#warezsex

<sb> No results found for “a FUCKING can opener that won’t FUCKING break after two FUCKING months of normal FUCKING use FUCK”.

<b> moar like CAN’T OPENER am i rite

<sb> u r rite

<sb> i guess i’m just going to have to start thinking of them like paper towels and buy them in 8-packs.

<sb> No results found for “how to appease the god of can openers”.

<sb> man am i tired of hearing the celestials’ pep talks.

<sb> jerks, maybe i’ll listen to your advice when you give me something other than double double gold.

<jason> i got some pants this morning, same pants i was already wearing!!!

<jason> i should take a look at their drop table

<sb> i finally replaced my crappy 430 pants.

 * sb literally shits his pants

<sb> “i was laughing so hard i literally disenchanted my pants”

<sb> disenpantment

<jason> coming back from Rick’s Bakery, i passed a car with big dog sticking its head out of the rear passenger side window. we came to a stop light and the dog was right next to me so he started woofing

<b> aw.

<b> lt. barkoff

<jason> it may not have helped that the driver of that car and i were laughing

<jason> “you guys are jerks” woofed the dog, unhappy that the wind had stopped

<jason> anyway: ate a maple bar, saw a dog. good morning so far

<jason> WHY DID IT TAKE ME UNTIL NOW TO REALIZE THAT THE THING TO DO TO GOOGLE GLASS WEARERS IS YELL “VEGETA! WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY ABOUT HIS POWER LEVEL??” AT THEM????

<sb> idea, “silica gel — chow down fatty”

<b> i wonder what happens if you eat those things.

<b> While the contents of a silica gel packet are basically harmless, it would be a rather unpleasant experience to attempt to consume the silica crystals. The sole job of these tiny desiccants is to adsorb moisture.

<b> adsorb, adsorb, adsorb, adsorb, adsorb

 * sb adsorgs all ur moiscure

<sb> leaving u conspitated

<sb> and dehybrated

<sb> better drink some gaporabe

<adam> it’s got elecdrorights

<sb> it really quitches your thirsk

<adam> for that deeb down doby thirsk

<jason> i think he came home for a bit last night because I REMEMBER WAKING UP BECAUSE SOMEONE SLAMMED EVERY DOOR THEY WALKED THROUGH

<sb> come on and SLAM and ruin that doorJAMB

<sb> he’s just trying to impress the Quad City DJs, but he doesn’t realize that those weren’t actually the lyrics.

<sb> brent’s playin’ some oldies today.

<sb> stand by me, hit the road jack.

<jason> isn’t it Brendon?

<jason> “hit the road jack” is some good advice!!! i am holding up a figurative auditory mirror so the soundwaves are bouncing back to your apartment and into your head

<sb> oh, is it brendon?

<jason> pretty sure it’s Brendon

<sb> <— bad neighbor, don’t know your name

<jason> more like: bad neighbor, assaults you with soundwaves —>

<sb> hello jamson crabley

<jason> heh, i like “jamson crabley”

<jason> jamson “jams” crabley

<sb> that jamson seems like an upright fellow

<sb> there goes jamson crabley and jubstin quodes

<jason> School Closings Monday Jan. 6

<jason> Fayetteville Public Schools

<jason> I’M KINDA OVER PUBLIC SCHOOLS BEIN CLOSED

<b> no school 2marrow

<b> announcement from governor: “fuck” school

<b> “IT 2 KO”, he said

<b> “it’s too co—”, he started to say, before freezing completely solid forever

<b> fill the leafblower with stink juice and stick some kind of prosthetic butt on the end

<sb> i would prefer constant farting to the sound they actually make.

<sb> there goes the leaf man and his trusty fart machine

<b> hmm, i wonder if we could stinkbomb dixon street during bbb.

<b> .. and that’s the story of how i got 400 hours of community service

<b> i wanna pet you like an animal / … something … / all of my cats are declawed

<b> all of my shoes have been gnawed

<b> closer to dog

<sb> [footage of trent in colorful clothing, taking a morning stroll through a dog park]

<b> trent with dreadlocks, wearing a daishiki.

<b> trent wondering to himself “who doesn’t want to get stoneder off the same amount of bud?”

<b> trent calling it “his sunbeam

<sb> trent playing alliance

<b> sometimes you take it too far.